he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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