I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can text with my tongue
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
