i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
