idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
