you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
