Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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