hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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