i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
