; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
