peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just found puke in my bra..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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