You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
