Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
