dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
