i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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