I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
