either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
