I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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