i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
