Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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