you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
