You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
