I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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