Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize