Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
