Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
