She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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