capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
