all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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