Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
