he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
