Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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