He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
