Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
