Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
