also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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