one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
