Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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