Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
