You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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