In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
