Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
