Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
