i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
