Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
