You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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