handjob tips. give me some.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
