Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
