Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
