i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
