she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
