i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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