Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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