did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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