I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
