my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
