I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
