Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
