I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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