I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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