i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
