That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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