how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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