When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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