Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
