Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
