guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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