I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
