so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
