i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
