he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
