You don't have asthma, your pregnant
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
