brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
