i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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