puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
