were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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