It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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