well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
