I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
