seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
