Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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