I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
