So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
