I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
